Funny marriage quotes worth reading

Note: I received the below lines on marriage in an email forward; these are not my creation. If you are one of the original authors of any of these lines, please let me know, and I will be more than happy to credit you.

Weekend Fun:

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

Q: Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
A: It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.

If you are married please ignore this message, For everyone else: Happy Independence Day

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

Girlfriends r like chocolates, Taste good anytime. Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently. Husbands are like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.

Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.

Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!

Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offense!

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

The great question... Which I have not been able to answer... Is, "What does a woman want? - George Clooney

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children! - Donald Trump

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Shaquille O’Neal

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... - Kobe Bryant

You know what I did before I married? Anything wanted to. - David Hasselhoff

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Alec Baldwin

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. - Tommy Lee

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”

“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes Suffer...ing!